This is when Dinahh popped into my awareness. He told me it was a lack of honesty that most often destroys a relationship. I told him I agreed. There is nothing worse than a lie. A lie undermines the relationship and hurts the one the lied to because it ruins trust. You have to have trust. Without trust, the relationship flounders and then dies.
Dinahh explained. "Catherine, be patient now and listen because I will tell you. Let's say a husband suspects his wife is cheating. He gathers his courage and asks her. The wife tells him she is not seeing anyone else. It isn't a lie. The truth is, she is involved on the computer with another man, and they have talked several times on the telephone involving very sexual conversations. Do you see, Catherine? She is telling the truth, but she is not being honest. You see, Catherine, a half-truth is even more damaging than a lie."
I could understand, in a way. I asked Dinahh whether sometimes it was better to tell a half truth than to hurt someone with the whole truth. After all, in this scenario, the wife wasn't actually having an affair or being unfaithful to her husband. Wouldn't telling him about the man and their sexual conversations only serve to hurt her husband needlessly?
Geez, I seem to learn everything the hard way. Dinahh was audibly upset with me. "Catherine, how can you ask this? I have told you that a half-truth is worse than the complete truth. There are many examples I could use, but I chose this one, thinking it would be easiest for you to understand.
Let me try again. In a loving, trusting relationship, everything is about sharing truth. This is accomplished by being truthful and honest. Trust is the result of both partners opening their hearts and being vulnerable with one another. They trust that they are loved and, therefore, they hide nothing. For the heart to remain open to love, there must be no walls between them, nor any feelings of fear and guilt which can become walls. Can you understand, Catherine? Not being completely truthful, thus honest, the heart cannot be fully open to love."
"I think so, Dinahh. You are saying that, besides love, trust (as a result of being honest and truthful) is the most important thing in a relationship. When someone tells a half-truth, the closeness breaks down because they know it's not the truth? Let me ask you this, what was the reason she turned to the other man in the first place? I would say the relationship was already suffering."
"Catherine, this was an example only. But yes, truth, honesty, and trust -- without them, there is no relationship. In this example, had she been open and honest with the complete truth, trusting the husband loves her enough to hear it, it would break down the wall of guilt she built and open her heart again to love. We are done, Catherine. Think about what I have said."
I am, Dinahh. I am. Namaste.