Feeling Invisible

Have you ever felt invisible? I realize how strange that sounds, and I've never felt that way either, until just recently. It all started about a month ago, when I began to feel a heavy inertia. I didn't have much energy, I had no inspiration to write at all, even silly phrases and quotes like I used to put on Facebook every day wouldn't come to me. And, with the exception of one or two short visits, even Dinahh was being scarce (invisible). I've just felt sort of blah ... invisible, as it were.

I told Robert about it and he said not to worry, that I should relax and enjoy the peace and quiet. He said it happens like that sometimes when the universe wants you to rest up because they have something planned that will take a lot of energy. He said he'd already looked at my Astrology Chart and things will drastically change for me. He sees three different things in my chart which are rare, things that tell him I'm going to be a very busy lady in the spring.

Then, about two weeks ago, I started having these goofy snippets of visions while I slept, which made no sense to me at all. The first was a crossword puzzle that filled my entire field of vision. While I looked at it, faces appeared in each of the spaces where a letter should go, hundreds of them. That was the sum total of the vision.

A couple of nights later, I had a vision where I was sitting up in a tree. (I loved climbing as a child, so I found this to be really nice, actually). Suddenly, a face appeared in each leaf, all over the tree. This time, I could see thousands of faces dangling like leaves.

Then the night before last, I had a vision where I was walking on a gravel path through a beautiful flower garden. There were flowers of every color and every scent surrounding me as I walked through the garden and I felt happy. Then, just like the leaves on the tree, each flower became a face. Thousands of flower faces were now surrounding me everywhere I looked.

I call these visions because they're different from dreams, at least my dreams. In a vision, I hear the sound of wind, smell the ocean or flowers, hear leaves blowing, feel and hear the crunch of stones underfoot ... a vision is real, like really being in a place, while a dream has a fantasy quality to it.

Now, I told you that, so I could tell you this ... last night before sleep, I had been talking to Robert about the crazy visions again. I said I hoped I wouldn't see something even nuttier after I fell asleep. Then, just as I was in the twilight area before sleep, Dinahh appeared and told me, "Catherine, you must look more carefully. Look closer into what you have been shown."

Then I was briefly shown all three visions again. This time, I looked deeper into the crossword puzzle, the tree, and the flowers. There, in the middle of each, were pictures of both Robert and me. Now I'm really puzzled, and Dinahh left me to figure it out, like he does most of the time. He's big on me finding my own answers ...

This morning, I put a lot of thought into it and I believe the visions had to do with my feeling invisible. I think it was the universe's way of letting me know that no one is ever invisible. Each life is unique and valuable. Each of our lives touch so many other lives and we're all important, and important to each other, too. Everything is just as it should be.

If my astrology chart is right, and I believe it must be, what I've been feeling is a temporary hiatus, the calm before the storm, if you will, a storm that's going to begin in the spring.
I wish I knew what it's gonna be about ...

Namaste!

Spiritual Healing

So much of my journey to awareness has had to do with spiritual healing. Some of the issues have had to do with buried pain, I realized that early on -- I am a Vietnam War widow. Some of my deepest issues are slowly being resolved through my blog for Vietnam veterans with the sharing of mutual feelings and experiences; however, it seems I'm never done healing. To be honest, I'm not quite sure what spiritual healing really is, and if what I'm going through is, actually, spiritual healing.

I started with the question, what is meant when we use the word "spirit", as in spiritual healing? Are these resolutions of my issues spiritually healing me? I did a search on Google this morning to see what I could find. I uncovered many names for spirit: life-force, soul, awareness, beingness, but all of them seem so vague -- all of them are invisible, too. I think the best description I've found for spirit, and the one that makes the most sense to me is, "that which exists beyond any physical realm".

Okay, if this is what our spirit is, what then is spiritual healing? It seems to be a goal for all spiritual practices, traditions and religions. I also found that it's something all spiritual seekers, in one way or another, are "searching" for. It's a further observation that when we carry the wounds of being hurt from past experiences (Vietnam) and situations (bad marriages or relationships) with us, our spiritual awakening, our spiritual growth, can slow down, or even stop. This makes perfect sense, because my spirit guide, Dinahh, often disappears for awhile. When he finally makes contact again, he tells me there are things that only I can find the answers to ... and he must allow me to do that myself.

Okay, so now my question is, how do we know if we need spiritual healing? After all, our spiritual growth, our awakening, is an intimate, quiet, and uniquely personal journey. How do we, as human beings, recognize when we need spiritual healing? Do our symptoms manifest themselves in physical sickness? Emotional sickness?

I gathered my courage and asked for Dinahh's guidance, steeling myself, wary he would tell me again that I ask too many questions that I already have the answers for, if I would just search inside for them -- but I was pleasantly surprised. He graciously shared a few things with me.

Dinahh told me that symptoms blocking awareness and growth can be physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. They can be profound and noticeable to everyone around us, or they can be so subtle as to only be felt by the person who needs to heal. But going from spiritual "sickness" to a state of spiritual "wellness" is the main goal of our spiritual awakening and growth in this lifetime.

Spiritual healing is, in truth, a deep, fundamental change in how we view ourselves, the world, and God. He told me spiritual healing lifts a person above themselves, so they are able to see everything from a new perspective.

Dinahh: "To begin spiritual healing, start with changing the filters that block true nature from coming through. Negative emotions are the most important filters -- fear, hate, jealousy, and anger. These must be replaced with positive emotions -- grattitude, love, patience, kindness. The negative emotions can be replaced with positive emotions by simply watching what is thought and what is said.

The more positive and uplifting our words are, the more positive and uplifting our thoughts and emotions will become. The positive will grow and the negative will be cleared away and this will better allow true nature to come through.

Catherine, you must write this: be sure spiritual healing does not come from outside practices. Yes, others can be paid to adjust energy fields and auras, people can surround themselves with crystals, and a house can be filled with all of the scents in the world, but none of it will heal the inner anger, fear and hate that torment a soul. You cannot “buy” spiritual healing. These unconscious wounds can only be healed by facing their origins and making peace with them. You already know this. You are already on your healing journey of discovery. Everything is as it should be. I will go now."

***Thank you, Dinahh. Namaste.

Lost Chances: Chuck Lane

Once again, Chuck Lane shares his insightful wisdom with us. Chuck is a poet, writer, and Reiki Master Instructor who joins us from Trenton, Ontario, Canada.

Are we really creatures of habit or do we, in fact, possess the ability to think before we react? Were we not given “free will”? How many times have you left home, gone halfway to work, only to realise that this was not a working day? Or how many times have you driven your car for miles in a certain direction, only to find that you’re going the wrong way?

We tend to get so wrapped up in our daily living that we forget to stop and smell the roses. When will we realise that every moment we let slip away, is truly lost forever? Every time we utter a harsh word to someone and let it pass, without making it right, we risk the chance of losing that chance forever.

As adults, we tend to forget that children are people, too. I wish I had a dime for every time I told a child to get lost or said, "don't bother me now, can’t you see I’m busy?” Maybe that was the time I could have learned something. But the fool that I am, I let it slip past me.

How many times have you ended an argument with a loved one with a hug and an “I love you?” When was the last time you told your children or spouse that you appreciate them and that you were proud of them? How about that unfriendly discussion you had with a friend or neighbour, whose opinion just wasn’t as sensible as yours, and you ended by saying, “You know, maybe you are right, let me think about it.” When was the last time you opened life’s door and let common sense in -- and narrow-mindedness out?

Goaltenders in ice hockey wear thick pads and large gloves to protect themselves from one hundred mile-an-hour pucks. Maybe we, too, should all wear heavy rubber pads to repel our moments of ignorance -- and sticky pads of wisdom to catch those moments of “Enlightenment”.

Our capacity to grow is directly proportional to the openness of our minds!
Namaste.
Chuck

***Truly words to live by, Chuck. Thank you, once again.
Namaste. CJ

Chuck Lane: The Person I Am

It's my pleasure to introduce a poet, writer, and Reiki Master Instructor I met through Knowing Whispers.  He wrote to say he was impressed with my work and to ask permission to use the quote at the top of the blog in his Reiki teaching.  After exchanging a few emails, I also found him to be a really nice guy with a lot of wonderful insights and wisdom that I've asked him to share.   Please join me in welcoming Chuck Lane to Whispers:


How I Became the Person I am Today
by Chuck Lane

I believe I was born angry. At some point in my adult life, I was angry most of the time. I had a quick temper, and that manifests itself in very negative ways. Thank God, I never got into any major trouble. Not being a big person I never got physical. Most of my aggression was taken out on me, rather than others. A career in the Military helped fuel my aggressive behaviour. When things didn’t go my way I would rant and rave. I had a tendency to go on and on and on about nothing. Finally, my wife told me, “Dear when you get like this, I love you, but I don’t like you.” When I looked into the mirror, I didn’t like the person looking back at me. When I started having health issues, I knew I had to do something.

Christmas of 2003, my wife and I decide to spend a few days in a Health Resort in Southern Ontario. My wife chose to get a massage and I chose something called Crystal Therapy.

I must admit that I was skeptical. The therapist told me she could help rid me of the negative energy that had built up in me and, hopefully, most of my anger. She began working at my feet and gradually moved to my head. She explained that I would feel heat moving from my feet upwards to my head and escaping through my head chakra. Then a bright white healing light would enter through my crown chakra and travel down through my feet, cleaning my body of any negative energy.

I listened but I didn’t believe. Well, I saw the brightest white light that I had ever seen enter through my forehead and exit the bottom of my feet. When the treatment was over, not only did I believe, but also I felt rejuvenated and free of tension. I knew, from that moment, I had to continue researching this and other ways to better my life.

In 2003, my wife received a Reiki treatment from Janet, a Reiki Master. She was so impressed that she had little trouble convincing me to try Reiki. So I also booked a session with Janet. At the first session, she couldn’t give me the full treatment because of the negative energy that was part of my life for so long was blocking her from treating me. She told me that only I could get rid of this negative energy. I had to tell it to leave and I didn’t need it any more. I did what she suggested and my second session went much better. The heat generated from her hands was what impressed me the most.

I had so many questions. Janet referred me to Martina, a gifted young German lady. She could connect with Spirit Guides who would answer my questions. She told me my wife and I have been together at least fifteen times in previous lives and we were truly Soulmates. She also told me that we were healers -- that was our purpose here, this time.

Well, I was hooked. It was shortly after that my wife and I decided to take a Reiki level 1 course together and, shortly after, Level 2, as well. Within a year, we were level 3 practitioners. This is where I decided to do as much research as possible. I purchased many books and A Reiki Touch course from William Lee Rand. I accessed almost every web site that I could find.

In 2005, my wife and I became Reiki Masters/Teachers, or should I say, Reiki Master Students. Before I started doing Reiki, I kept thinking that there was something missing in my life and I needed to discover my purpose. I no longer feel that way. I now know my purpose.

I can’t say that I have rid myself of all anger, but I can safely say, I am much calmer and I now know how to control it. Anger doesn’t control me.

As a side bar, I have always been creative. I wrote the occasional poem, short stories, and articles for local newspapers. Since I’ve replaced the negative energies in my life, I now have more creative energies. I write more, learn more, and I‘m much more spiritual. Oh yes, I smile more and people smile more at me. Finally, people like me and, better yet, I like me too. Thank you, Susan, my first therapist, and Janet and Kathy, my Reiki Masters. And most of all, thank you to my wife of 41 years.

Namaste
Chuck

**Thank you, Chuck.  You have a standing invitation whenever you have the time or a whisper you'd like to share with us.

Namaste
Your friend, CJ

Related articles

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• Book Review: The Power of Reiki (brighthub.com)
• A Reiki Primer (everydayhealth.com)
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Questions ...

I poured my coffee this morning and again pulled up the January 13th article we've all been talking about on the so-called "new" 13th Astrological Sign, Ophiuchus. [Has Your Horoscope Changed?] 

I wasn't really worried, but if it was somehow proved to be true, because of where my birthday falls, I would end up on a cusp between Cancer and Leo.   Hmmm ... I've always been a VERY strong  Leo -- would I be forever cursed to straddle two signs and whatever that brings?  I do feel better after talking with Robert about it ... and of course my spirit guide, Dinahh, who always tells me I worry too much, am too impatient, and to go find my answers in the silence. 

 
Robert wasn't excited about it, that's for sure. From what he says, "Astronomers have known about this since 130 BC., Hun.  Believe me, it's nothing to worry about. It is all a matter of your point of view.  Remember, mankind is always evolving and, through awareness, discovering new elements in consciousness and gifts. Horoscopes will evolve because WE are. Each level of awareness reveals that we are more complex than we first thought and our relationship to reality and form mirrors this. Astrology is going to evolve, too, and incorporate more awareness of the nature of who we are in reality."

 When I go to the silence, I continually get a very strong sense that something big, something wonderful, is coming ... and it has nothing to do with horoscopes.

Healing Memory
by CJ Heck

the love I am
came with me
like a shadow
on my heart
it flows in
and out
and through me
of this love
I am a part
it whispers
to my soul
it awes and
fuels my wonder
and I seek
a memory
of when and why
I came
thus under
this is what
my soul agreed
helping souls be
more aware
to allow the
healing energy
flow from
my soul
into theirs
waiting,
waiting,
waiting,
I can feel
and I can see
vibrations
growing stronger
for the healing
memory
something's coming
I can feel it
something big
and something
wonderful
is coming

Namaste

Related articles

• Your Astrological Sign May Not Be What You Think It Is (politics.ie)
• Horoscope fans want to keep their signs (usatoday.com)
• Zodiac update wasn't meant to create such a stir (chron.com)
• Zodiac-sign shift? Horoscope fans aghast (seattletimes.nwsource.com)

Another One on Love

Being in love is one of the most misunderstood, yet most satisfying, of all states to be in. I've noticed in Facebook, of all the subjects written and talked about, love has to be right up there at the top. What is it about this thing called "love"?

We go through life thinking we have to "find" love, and the search becomes an outright mission. We spin our wheels looking in all the wrong places, picking the wrong people, and time and again we get hurt because it's the wrong person for us. But is it? Do we really, honestly give love a chance?

Because we've been hurt so many times, it seems even when we do "find" someone special we can connect with, most of us build a protective wall around our "self", almost daring the other person to break through. When the object of our affection cannot break through, we think once again we've failed at love.

I'm sure no expert, I'm still learning myself, but in speaking with Dinahh about it, he says love just isn't that difficult, once it finds you. Like a flower, you only have to give it an open heart and a chance to grow. Throw away the protective walls. A flower can't grow up through the dirt with a layer of concrete poured over the ground above it. It's the same with love. You have to give it a loving environment in which to blossom.

It becomes easier to understand if we look at a new relationship like a bank account. When we meet someone, the bank account should be full of trust. As we recognize love, we can add to that, affection, passion, sharing, closeness, and all the other attributes we need to have in a healthy love relationship. If we start out with hope, a full bank account, and an open heart -- we give love a fighting chance. Remember, this person had nothing to do with the people who hurt you in the past.

According to Dinahh, as a relationship grows in love, it grows in trust, as well. Trusting in the love, we have to allow our vulnerabilities to come out. We must share ourselves with each other and be vulnerable, even sharing those parts of ourselves we dislike -- it's so important. There can be no secrets in real love -- I don't mean you have to do it all at once. Dinahh says it may take years! Find a quiet time, cuddle on the couch, or spoon yourselves in bed. Open your hearts, feel the love flow between you, and talk and share.

If the love is real, with the sharing you will find acceptance and at the same time, grant yourself and your partner forgiveness. A whole new closeness and even deeper love and trust is the result. You may even find a renewed feeling of protectiveness for your partner. Remember, they've carried these things with them, buried, for a long time and, now that they've shared them with you, they are trusting you to love them even more because of the sharing.

When conflicts arise, and they will, keep your heart open, hear each other out and really listen. If you're too angry to do that, Dinahh says that's only your fear and ego taking over. You need some space, so take it. Find a quiet place and go to the silence, put aside both mind and ego -- they'll only try and control the issue. Find your center, feel the energy flow in and out through you (just like the eternity symbol, a sideways "8"). Open your heart and feel the love. Only when you reconnect with self, and feel the love can you work through the problem for a healthy solution.

Dinahh: "Remember, love is what brought you together. You must give it a chance to grow."

Namaste

Angels

I don't know about you, but I've always had a fascination about angels.  What a lovely thought that there are these ethereal beings up there watching down on us at all times, guarding us and keeping order up there in heaven.

Are there really angels?  Do they really look like what we see depicted in movies, paintings, and pictures in the Bible?  Do they really have wings?

After Dinahh first contacted me, the existence of angels was a favorite topic, one I asked a million questions about -- it was also a topic which brought on one of Dinahh's favorite phrases almost every time, too.  "Catherine, don't be so impatient.  You ask too many questions.  I've told you many times, you have all of the answers to all of your questions.  You have only to go to the silence and BE.  Open your heart, feel the love, feel the energy flowing in and out, all through you from the universe.  Remember, Catherine, remember.  You have brought everything you ever knew here with you.  Remember."

I'm trying, I really am.  I have remembered many things from when I go to the silence and let go of mind and ego to listen and see with my heart.  I have known these beings.  They are souls, beings who bring us messages from God.  Dinahh has called them guardian angels, benevolent spirit beings, avatars and of course, spirit guides, of which he is one.  One or more is with us always, from the time we are born into our human form through an agreement we made before our birth.  They guide and advise us, comfort and protect us, and they even warn us -- they don't always bring good news.  All we have to do to hear these whispers is listen and hear them with our hearts.

I also know they can appear in many forms. Although they don't now belong in our world, Dinahh has told me that some have been here in their own lifetime and have chosen to remain to protect and guide others.  They can appear in human form, like Dinahh, who first appeared to me as a tiny old man in a long white gown, sitting on my back porch stoop (see the very first blogs). They can also appear as an orb of light, and as a mist, both of which I've also seen as Dinahh.

Angels really do exist.  Open your heart and let it reach out.  Ask your third eye to open, awaken, and see the love, feel their presence and hear them with your heart.

Namaste

Nothing Ever Wasted

By Robert Cosmar
Writer, Blogger, Astrologer

Years ago when I was in Denver, I had the privilege of experiencing what, at the time, amazed me. I had met a woman from back east and we became quick friends. She was in Denver escaping a bad marriage and I was seeking my own path of self-expression and discovery. She, as it turned out, was a deep trance channel and after a slow start we began to converse with her spirit guide. She could both trance channel him and also hear him. We spent several months having groups come to her house where her guide would enter her body and talk to us about our lives, the world and why we were here. It was all very magical and fascinating.

Months after the sessions stopped and we had all gone our separate ways, my friend was instructed by her spirit guide to write down the content of those sessions. It was interesting to see the documentation which was nearly two inches thick. She had copied it verbatim from the tapes to paper, making two copies, one for me and one for her. I didn't realize we had talked so much!

What followed next was amazing because I did not expect it. I couldn't understand how the universe could embed what it did into those random meetings. She and I sat one afternoon with our copies while her guide had us highlight areas of the manuscript that were supposed to become seminars for others. It almost made me laugh because elegantly and spontaneously, order had been created out of what seemed random chaos.

The seminar topics were designed to be shared with those interested in reviving their inner child. companies and people could re-create wonder and excitement to provide alternate possibilities for lives that had become rigid and dry. It's unfortunate that those seminars never manifested -- the power in them was elegant and rejuvenating -- besides, it would have been fun and I'm sure successful for those brave enough to allow their inner child to be reborn.

**Thank you, Love
Namaste
CJ

Honesty/Truth: A Difference

The blog today comes indirectly through Dinahh. I was sitting here enjoying my coffee this morning and thinking about relationships -- what makes them good, obviously, but also what might be the most destructive element to a healthy and loving relationship.

This is when Dinahh popped into my awareness. He told me it was a lack of honesty that most often destroys a relationship. I told him I agreed. There is nothing worse than a lie. A lie undermines the relationship and hurts the one the lied to because it ruins trust. You have to have trust. Without trust, the relationship flounders and then dies.

Dinahh said telling the truth and being honest are actually very different and I shouldn't confuse them. He said honesty is much more than telling the truth. You can be honest, even when telling a lie. Now I was good and confused. I told Dinahh that I must be having a "senior moment", as I didn't understand what he was saying.

Dinahh explained. "Catherine, be patient now and listen because I will tell you. Let's say a husband suspects his wife is cheating. He gathers his courage and asks her. The wife tells him she is not seeing anyone else. It isn't a lie. The truth is, she is involved on the computer with another man, and they have talked several times on the telephone involving very sexual conversations. Do you see, Catherine? She is telling the truth, but she is not being honest. You see, Catherine, a half-truth is even more damaging than a lie."

I could understand, in a way. I asked Dinahh whether sometimes it was better to tell a half truth than to hurt someone with the whole truth. After all, in this scenario, the wife wasn't actually having an affair or being unfaithful to her husband. Wouldn't telling him about the man and their sexual conversations only serve to hurt her husband needlessly?

Geez, I seem to learn everything the hard way. Dinahh was audibly upset with me. "Catherine, how can you ask this? I have told you that a half-truth is worse than the complete truth. There are many examples I could use, but I chose this one, thinking it would be easiest for you to understand.

Let me try again. In a loving, trusting relationship, everything is about sharing truth. This is accomplished by being truthful and honest. Trust is the result of both partners opening their hearts and being vulnerable with one another. They trust that they are loved and, therefore, they hide nothing. For the heart to remain open to love, there must be no walls between them, nor any feelings of fear and guilt which can become walls. Can you understand, Catherine? Not being completely truthful, thus honest, the heart cannot be fully open to love."

"I think so, Dinahh. You are saying that, besides love, trust (as a result of being honest and truthful) is the most important thing in a relationship. When someone tells a half-truth, the closeness breaks down because they know it's not the truth? Let me ask you this, what was the reason she turned to the other man in the first place? I would say the relationship was already suffering."

"Catherine, this was an example only. But yes, truth, honesty, and trust -- without them, there is no relationship. In this example, had she been open and honest with the complete truth, trusting the husband loves her enough to hear it, it would break down the wall of guilt she built and open her heart again to love. We are done, Catherine. Think about what I have said."

I am, Dinahh. I am. Namaste.

Related articles

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• Honesty, The Only Worthwhile Virtue (socyberty.com)
• Honesty: A Dying Virtue? (socyberty.com)

The Journey Thus Far

I've learned many things on this journey to awareness, and so far, it's been exciting, too. What's been the most surprising is, it hasn't taken any work at all -- no books, no studying, no tests, and certainly no tuition.   Just learning how to be vulnerable and share, and a man I love and who loves me taking a simple journey together in this human experience -- and it's been so rewarding.

We have so much about self and the universe to discover, and the beauty of it is, all we have to do is allow it.  The true discovery has only to be remembered.  The answers to all of our questions are already here, inside -- it's like we were pre-programmed with truth, knowledge and love.  Then we come here and spend our whole lives either forgetting what it is we know or being taught that what we think we know is wrong.  The reality is, we are a deep and bottomless well of knowledge and when our thirst grows strong enough and we finally drink from that well, everything we know, everything we brought with us becomes crystal clear.

Like most people, I've spent a lifetime looking outside myself for strength and confidence and, yes, answers.  I've made a lot of wrong choices and more than a few mistakes, but I have learned from them.  What this journey is teaching me is that the strength and confidence and answers were here within me all the while -- it was all here, all the time, and all I had to do was remember.

I've enjoyed my journey thus far -- finding my center in the silence, setting aside mind and ego, and meeting the real me, the me I was meant to be and truly am.

Namaste

Love and Loss: Robert Cosmar

Passing the Torch
by Robert Cosmar

Love doesn't discriminate, judge or compare. It accepts all things unconditionally. Some of you may have wondered how the present man in Cathy's life, me, feels about all of this -- the journey she's taking back into her past through her Memoirs From Nam blog, Vietnam, and the loss of Doug, her first real love. I'd like to share how I feel. I hope for those of you who may be stuck in memories of past losses that you'll find hope, and realize, love never dies and it can come in many forms and many times.

When Cathy and I met again and we began to talk about our pasts, I knew her experience with losing Doug was a significant life experience, something her soul knew, as well. The deepest reasons for this I can't say, but I do know that when we have traumatic experiences, it's because our soul is trying to get us to look at unconscious patterns or things that prevent us from reuniting in awareness with different levels of our self. Most of us have our own beliefs about the ultimate nature of existence and reality, but the truth is, we don't really know until awareness is brought to us through a shakeup of those beliefs.

I asked Cathy to take me to Doug's grave. I knew it was the right thing to do. I don't know how I knew, but I did. My words poured honestly and sincerely from my heart as I talked to him there. After saying hello, I thanked Doug, and it felt like we were connected in some way. I sensed a cosmic channel had opened and we were talking in a way that seemed to have been prearranged in eternity past. It was a confirmation for me, that Cathy and I being together and the events around the reunion were all a part of a universal plan. I know she loves Doug and I'm sure, at times, she even wonders, "What if". On that day, I knew Doug still loved her and I also knew I was now to carry that torch, the one of love between Doug and Cathy, after so many years of hollow promises in other relationships.

I am not jealous, because I know I'm in a partnership with existence to help Cathy realize all the love inside her. Doug and I are pieces in the puzzle of her life and both of us are integral parts of the great mystery of existence. Neither of us own her, but we are privileged to receive her trust and love to help us heal. It is never just about two people. Life involves all of us and we can never know who we've touched or who may be touching us, or when.

I made a promise to Doug that day. I vowed to love her in the way he would have intended, with the same caring and feelings he felt for her. It was like a form of telepathic communing where I could feel his energy and sense this was a high intent of his. I realize that I cannot prove any of this to those who read this, it's just something you have to feel and experience in your self. This was definitely not an everyday experience for us.

Love allows you to see the big picture of life and it goes well beyond the customs and beliefs of cultures and religions. What matters in life is what you feel about things. I sense that Doug, Vietnam, and her loss of him is a part of the universe's plan for her growth in awareness. Her love is healing my issues and helping me to blossom more in my awareness.

Doug, wherever he may be now, realizes that the love he offered to her and shared was not in vain and it still continues through an agreement we three had together before this lifetime. Love is never about ownership, but an opportunity to experience greater awareness of both existence and spirit by choosing to be together. Doug payed a price, which I am sure has helped the three of us to become more aware of the nature of true reality and the deepest meaning of love -- a sacrifice for others.

I never knew Doug, because he was several years older than me. I do respect him. I respect what he did and how he touched my life and Cathy's and the three of us agree to do whatever it takes to help others to ascend in love and awareness towards the infinite mystery of life and existence.

Related articles

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Girl with the Blue Eyes

by Robert Cosmar

Life has its moments and images, some that stick with us forever. In the late 50's, I was going with my brothers and sisters to a local lake to swim and have some fun. Mom had arranged for us to pick up one of her high school best friends and her children to come along with us to the lake. I was sitting in the back of our station wagon when this girl with the most stunning blue eyes entered the car. I remember staring at her and her not looking at me at all. I was hypnotized by her eyes and unable to speak. At nine, I was too young, too shy, and too pre-hormonal to understand all I was experiencing, but I think that was the first time I realized what a girl was and how the power of sexuality can affect you.

That moment was never experienced again.  Our families didn't go to the lake together again, as far as I can remember. I do remember hearing my parents talk fondly about these friends and their children, but the girl with the blue eyes faded to a memory, then into my subconscious and the sweet chance meeting was all but forgotten. I didn't remember her at all in high school, since she was two years older and we traveled in different circles. Yet to this day, I can vividly recall her in that back seat avoiding all eye contact with me.

Almost fifty years passed since I last saw her and, during that time, I learned many lessons and made a lot of mistakes. She had her own journey of disappointments, despair and discovery. A couple of years ago, my sister was on the computer and mentioned something to me about that same girl now being a children's author -- my sister was at the website right then. I remember going over to look at the computer screen and seeing a picture of her. It brought back the memory of that day nearly fifty years earlier. She still had those stunning light-blue eyes and a soft sweet face.  I got her email address and decided to comment on both her writing, the website, and also share my interest in astrology and spirituality. I was curious to see what she might say. A day or so later, I received my answer. It was not as glorious as I had hoped. She was going through a difficult divorce and her response seemed rather cold and distant. I accepted that, forgot about the email, and went on living my life

Somewhere in 2008, after talking to an old high school friend, I made the decision to organize a multi-class high school reunion. It was one of those things I felt compelled to do and didn't exactly know why, especially since I had to do most of the work alone or with very little help. Still, I was determined to see it through, because I felt deep inside that it was important to me and to many others. Again, I didn't know why. It was as though I sensed a promise that If I stayed the course, something wonderful was going to happen. 

Over the next two years I organized, talked to people, and found myself writing emails of a very personal and spiritual nature. Somehow I knew I had to be true to myself, my feelings, and the vision that had unfolded within me for the reunion. I began to write from my heart and to trust the whispers, knowing that some folks would be offended, but also knowing there were others who felt the same way but were unable to express those feelings as easily.

One day while I was at work, I got a surprising email from the girl with the blue eyes. She hadn't heard about the reunion and one of her classmates had forwarded my emails to her. Those whispers from my heart to others had touched hers and opened her to me. She told me how much the words meant to her and it was almost like she was saying, "Here I am, I'm ready now. Where do we go from here?" Playfully, I teased her about her blue eyes and shared how I remembered them from 50 years earlier. It was all very natural, heartfelt and it seemed so right. Something was happening.

Over the next few months before the reunion, we shared emails and stories. Romance and a relationship were not even spoken of at the beginning. We just sensed we had to follow the friendship and the feelings to see if they would eventually end, or if something else might take its place. As time went on, I found myself having the courage to be more open and honest with her and more revealing of my past. She was uneasy with some of my past and, at one point, we both even felt the urge to walk away, but something would not let us. 

One night at home. I was laying on my back in the grass under the stars in my yard talking to her on the phone. I told her about my deepest heartbreak in love. It had been the first time I had ever opened my heart and it had been rejected. That night under the stars, I was sure she and I had come to the end of the line. As I had it analyzed up to this point, we didn't have a whole lot in common, or so it seemed. But when I was done telling her about the pain I had carried around of that past love, she said something that touched me deeply. She said: "I would never hurt you like that." It seemed to be more than words, it was like a promise and I knew she would keep it. That was the door I needed, the door that took me beyond my fears and handed me the encouragement to continue trusting her.

For the first few months, as we were getting to know one another, she would not allow me to call. She was hesitant to hear my voice. She wouldn't allow me to visit, because she was hesitant to see me. It was so frustrating to be held at bay, because I wanted and needed to talk to her, be with her. I knew in my heart I loved her and she loved me. 

Later, just before we first met, she tortured me with things like, "Robert, if it's love, it will be in the eyes. When you love someone, they will see it in your eyes, and you, theirs." She also told me she wouldn't know for sure it was love until she could smell the little place at the nape of my neck. The nose knows, I suppose ... seems I had to pass this final test before she would really know if we were right for each other. I was unsure of why she needed this but I was trusting my heart and feelings.

We met for the first time in person the night before the reunion at a little inn in the town where she and I were raised. She opened the door and, for the first time in almost 50 years, I saw those blue eyes again and a smile to boot. While we hugged, she buried her face in my neck. It was a warm, sweet and endearing embrace. It felt natural and right, and without either of us saying a word, I knew I loved her and and I also knew she loved me. 

An air of intimacy seemed to envelop us and no matter where we went that weekend, we felt compelled to be touching, whether sitting close together, or holding hands and staring silently into each other's eyes and getting lost there. It felt then, and still does, like we're hooked deeper than our minds, emotions and even bodies.

Our journey to love had been a long one, sometimes painful and often confusing. Over the years, I had given up my search for the right girl and, in a way, she no longer searched for mister right. We had arrived at a time in our lives when we stopped hoping and looking at all ... and then this something magical happened. The mystery of love brought us together so we could experience more of life together and learn together what it means to be in love for real.

.... and you know what?  She was right.  I did see the love in her eyes, and when I breathed her in, her scent went all the way to my soul ...

The Silence

Is there anything good about silence? That's pretty much how I felt, before my journey to awareness began.

At the time, I was living alone and I thought I had to fill my life with sounds, even if it was only background music from the CD player. Often, I even turned the TV on low and went into my office to write, comforted by the voices from the other room.

After my spirit guide, Dinahh, introduced himself to me, my priorities began to change. Dinahh encouraged me to, "Be in the silence, Catherine. Do not be afraid of the silence. You must find your center and open your heart. It is there that you will find your answers." (I always had a flurry of questions for him and his answer was always to say, "So many questions, Catherine -- be patient. You have all of the answers. They are there inside of you. Be in the silence. Find your center and let go of the mind and ego. They will only stand in your way. That is not who you are. You must dare to open your heart and listen. It is in the silence where you will find your self and your answers.")

For many years, Robert has meditated to "be in the silence". I've tried it many times -- I don't know why I can't meditate -- maybe it just isn't for everyone. Maybe I have adult ADHD and just can't sit still that long ... but when I try, I can't seem to find my center and I certainly can't let go of my mind. Within just a few minutes, I find myself ticking off an invisible list of things to do, people I should call, things I need at the grocery, or just about anything else. I remember I used to be very good at daydreaming and I'm told that daydreaming is also a form of meditation. But to sit in a comfy chair in the dark in total silence, one of two things always happens: I either fall sound asleep, or my mind creeps back in to take over.

Where I finally found my silence was when I was lying in bed one night, just before falling asleep. All thought was gone and I was just beginning to feel myself drift off to sleep. Suddenly I "saw" a swirling of color, the palest shade of blue, and like a cloud, it spread until it filled my closed-eye "vision".  I knew I had found the silence, because Dinahh came to me then and told me so.  Now, it works for me every time.

It's a wonderful thing, being in the silence. When you allow your heart to open, you get a sense of floating and peace, and an overwhelming sense of love -- not surprising, since that is what we are and where we all came from ... everything is as it should be and silence?  The silence is magic ...

Namaste

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• Role of Meditation in Life (tnmom06.wordpress.com)
• What is Your Purpose? Use Meditation To Find Out Who You Are (epages.wordpress.com)

Testing of Motherhood

"There is no good or bad, but simply opposing experiences that must dissolve into the light of ultimate reality. Labels are a false judgement against the nature of ultimate reality. It is not up to man to decide what is good or bad, but to realize through awareness that all experiences lead to the same end conclusion." ~Robert S. Cosmar

When I saw Robert's quote this morning, it made me think of a young mother I saw in the grocery store the other day.

I saw her first in the produce section. She had a toddler seat-belted in her cart and she was busy searching the table to her left for a ripe tomato. Trouble is, she had parked her cart too close to the table next to it where tempting bananas had been piled high. Her little boy had literally filled their cart with bananas and was "sampling" the one he held in his hand, peel and all.

The mother finished choosing her tomato, turned, and after seeing what had transpired within mere seconds of turning away, frustratingly asked, "What is wrong with you? Mommy told you never to touch! I have to put all of these bananas back on the table. You keep your hands to yourself, young man." I could only smile in a "been there, done that" sort of way.

The next time I spotted them was just after the latest catastrophe had already happened. The mother's face was beet-red and she was picking up paperback books from a huge pile on the floor and putting them back into slots on a revolving metal stand. The toddler was both fascinated and puzzled, saying over and over, "Books, mommy, books! I like books! Books, please?" I felt compassion for the mother who, by her facial expression, was too embarrassed to even speak.

I was in the checkout lane when I spotted them for the last time. Her cart was heaped high with the family's needs, and the little boy was crying. His mom was trying her best to keep her cool and, as luck would have it, she pulled into my lane right behind me. As I loaded my few groceries onto the black conveyor belt, I heard a quiet, exasperated voice ask, "Why? Why me?"

I couldn't help myself. I reached over and squeezed her arm gently. I told her, "There isn't a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, or even a cashier here who hasn't felt the very same way, ma'am. No one could fault the uncharacteristic patience you've shown. No one really knows the answer to "Why me" ... but I tend to view these times as little tests of our endurance and our love. Then with a smile, I added, "I'd have to say, you passed ..."

She hugged me.

Namaste ...
CJ

The Profound

There are times in our lives when something touches us profoundly. At the time, we are so deeply affected by it, we cannot speak of it or write about it. We can only savor the experience in a personal and very spiritual way.

I have written before about my significant other, Robert. My spiritual awareness only really began a little over a year ago, when Robert and I reconnected at a high school reunion, after first knowing each other as children nearly fifty years ago. That introduction to my spiritual awareness happened on our very first actual date.

Robert and I were visiting an historical town, Roscoe Village, which is just across the bridge from Coshocton, the Ohio town we were both raised in. It was hot outside and we had stopped in a little cafe for some raspberry iced tea. One of us noticed that up a few steps in the cafe was a sitting area with a huge overstuffed chair, a couch and coffee table. It looked so quaint and comfortable, a good place to sit, cuddle, and get to know even more about each other, although we had already decided that what we felt was indeed love.

We had been corresponding through emails and phone calls for awhile and both of us agreed that there was something magical going on, something with an energy of its own, drawing us together. We spent hours staring at each other, something I had never been comfortable with before.

Then we finished our tea, and I asked Robert what he would like to do next. His reply startled me. We had talked before about my first marriage to a local boy, Doug Kempf, and how he had been killed in Vietnam. (We had also discussed the two marriages after Doug and the ensuing divorces). Robert surprised me by saying he would like to go to the cemetery, to Doug's grave.

It was a beautiful day for a drive. I had forgotten how lovely his final resting place was, way up at the very top of a hill. As usual when I go there, I felt an overwhelming sadness but kept it to myself and, instead, talked to Doug silently through my heart. Just then, I thought I heard someone talking, just barely above a whisper. It was Robert talking very softly. Here is what I heard him say:

"Well Doug, we are here. I want to thank you for the love that you showed Cathy while you were with her and for your sacrifice so that I can be with her now. I know that I carry the torch of love that was passed from you to me, and I will honor the love that we both share for her. I know that you are somewhere and that some part of you knows and understands what I am saying. It is too bad that we never met, but maybe that is an agreement we all had before this lifetime began. Thank you again and please be assured, her heart is in good hands now. Goodbye."

It was profound, and deeply touching. I don't know what I expected, but it certainly wasn't what I heard, and I loved him all the more because of it. It was a quiet ride back to town and then I asked him to tell me more about what he believed, this awareness he spoke about. This is when I first knew. I didn't exactly know how I knew, I just knew I knew. It was almost like a remembrance from long, long ago. I was on my own journey now ... thank you, Robert, and thank you, Dinahh.

Namaste