Never try to understand yourself, seek to know yourself.
Reflection on yourself in your mind creates pain, regret and brings up images wrapped in guilt, judgment and condemnation. The mind and ego cannot fix what you have done or correct past transgressions, they are linear and are based on false conclusions about the nature of self and reality.
Your ego and mind cannot forgive you, because they require judgments or laws to define you and your actions. Forgiveness is acceptance of all things you have done and experienced with the awareness that no one is judging you, but your own ego and mind. The opinion of others may support your mind and ego, but that is not the truth either.
The truth is never what you have done, it is what you are. The moment of truth in awareness will reveal that all choices, actions and experiences were necessary for you to achieve a point of surrender, so how could they have been wrong for you?
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