Exercising Trust

Can a person ask for trust without first earning it? Can a person demand to be trusted? These questions came to light recently in my life. At times, I think I know my answers, but what surprises me is, sometimes the answers seem to change with the weather, based on the circumstances. I decided to research trust this morning -- see what the experts had to say -- here is what I found out.

What is Trust?
Trust is both emotional and logical. Emotionally, you expose your vulnerabilities, hoping you won't be taken advantage of. Logically, you've studied gain and loss based on past information, and decide a person will act in a certain way. Trust is some of both. (1) I trust you because I've seen you are trustworthy and, (2) I trust you because I have faith in human nature and the Universe.

We have to feel trust down in our soul. Trusted emotions include loyalty, companionship, friendship, love, faithfulness, honesty, agreement, relaxation, and comfort. There are as many ways to define trust as there are things to trust in, but here is the gist of it:

Predictability:
It's normal to look ahead. We build models based on experience and what others tell us, and then use them to guess what will happen. This allows us to spot threats and make plans. A reliable enemy can be preferable to an unpredictable friend -- at least we know where we stand with an enemy.
Definition 1: Trust: predicting what people will do and what will occur. If we are with people we trust, we can create a safe present and reliable future.

Value Trade:
Most of what we do is based on trade, the basis for business and relationships. I'll swap you two sheep for one cow. It's easy to figure value in a trade. A parent trades attention for love. A company trades pay for the output of its workers. This works because each values things differently. If I have a flock of sheep but no milk, I can trade with someone who has a herd of cows but no clothes. This principle binds society together.

Trust in trade is wondering if what we get is what we should expect. When we buy a car, we don’t want what the seller knows is a lemon. If I get business advice, I want it based on fact, not opinion.
Definition 2: Trust: a trade with someone when you don't have full knowledge about them, their intent, and what they are trading you.

Delayed Trade:
Trade isn't only swapping cows and sheep, or hugs and kisses. What makes business or society work is, something is given now, and the return paid back over time. The advantage is, we create a flexible trade: we get what we need now, rather than having to save for it.

Trust is important, otherwise we are giving something for nothing. The delay we put in the trade adds an uncertainty we need to work through when we trust. What we call the ‘Golden Rule’ creates the trust. It allows me to give you something now, with my hope of getting something in the future.
Definition 3: Trust: giving something now with the hope it will be repaid in time.

Exposed Vulnerability:
When we trust others, we not only give them something in hope of getting something, we also expose ourselves in a way they could take advantage of. If I buy a car from you and I don't know a good price, you could lie to get more money. If I tell you in confidence about problems I have at work, you could use it to further your own career at my expense. For our deal to work, I must be able to trust I won't get hurt and end up with the short end of the stick.
Definition 4: Trust: allowing others to see your vulnerability and expect they will not use it against you.

What Did I Learn?
If the most important thing in the universe is love, then trust would have to be the ultimate foundation of all things in life. In our human experience, just as we must know and embrace love, we also should know all we can about trust and its vital importance to our existence -- how it works and what it takes to build and, more importantly, how to ultimately deserve it. If we are able to build trust, no matter how long it takes, others will gratefully hand us the earth, the sky, the air we breathe and the very keys to the Universe. When you betray a trust, besides bruising your soul, those same people will hunt you down to the ends of the earth ...

Namaste!