Another One on Love

Being in love is one of the most misunderstood, yet most satisfying, of all states to be in. I've noticed in Facebook, of all the subjects written and talked about, love has to be right up there at the top. What is it about this thing called "love"?

We go through life thinking we have to "find" love, and the search becomes an outright mission. We spin our wheels looking in all the wrong places, picking the wrong people, and time and again we get hurt because it's the wrong person for us. But is it? Do we really, honestly give love a chance?

Because we've been hurt so many times, it seems even when we do "find" someone special we can connect with, most of us build a protective wall around our "self", almost daring the other person to break through. When the object of our affection cannot break through, we think once again we've failed at love.

I'm sure no expert, I'm still learning myself, but in speaking with Dinahh about it, he says love just isn't that difficult, once it finds you. Like a flower, you only have to give it an open heart and a chance to grow. Throw away the protective walls. A flower can't grow up through the dirt with a layer of concrete poured over the ground above it. It's the same with love. You have to give it a loving environment in which to blossom.

It becomes easier to understand if we look at a new relationship like a bank account. When we meet someone, the bank account should be full of trust. As we recognize love, we can add to that, affection, passion, sharing, closeness, and all the other attributes we need to have in a healthy love relationship. If we start out with hope, a full bank account, and an open heart -- we give love a fighting chance. Remember, this person had nothing to do with the people who hurt you in the past.

According to Dinahh, as a relationship grows in love, it grows in trust, as well. Trusting in the love, we have to allow our vulnerabilities to come out. We must share ourselves with each other and be vulnerable, even sharing those parts of ourselves we dislike -- it's so important. There can be no secrets in real love -- I don't mean you have to do it all at once. Dinahh says it may take years! Find a quiet time, cuddle on the couch, or spoon yourselves in bed. Open your hearts, feel the love flow between you, and talk and share.

If the love is real, with the sharing you will find acceptance and at the same time, grant yourself and your partner forgiveness. A whole new closeness and even deeper love and trust is the result. You may even find a renewed feeling of protectiveness for your partner. Remember, they've carried these things with them, buried, for a long time and, now that they've shared them with you, they are trusting you to love them even more because of the sharing.

When conflicts arise, and they will, keep your heart open, hear each other out and really listen. If you're too angry to do that, Dinahh says that's only your fear and ego taking over. You need some space, so take it. Find a quiet place and go to the silence, put aside both mind and ego -- they'll only try and control the issue. Find your center, feel the energy flow in and out through you (just like the eternity symbol, a sideways "8"). Open your heart and feel the love. Only when you reconnect with self, and feel the love can you work through the problem for a healthy solution.

Dinahh: "Remember, love is what brought you together. You must give it a chance to grow."

Namaste