Nostalgia of Living

by Robert Cosmar

In a couple of days, I'll be sixty years old.  Over the past few years, I've looked back and reminisced over times, events, and memories of the years I've lived.  I especially enjoy going to YouTube and seeing the 60's artists still singing their tunes from that era. It's both magical and sad all at once.  I'm amazed at how those songs still ring deeply inside me and can arouse emotions and memories long buried. It's fun to watch the audience as they smile and recall their own memories, heartbreaks and feelings.

I'm also reminded that while it's good to relive the past, it isn't good to be stuck there. Many people stay stuck in the past and never live a full life in the NOW. They've lived a long life and made choices in most cases that were almost unconscious. Time takes its toll on us mentally, emotionally and especially physically. Escaping into the past or having an addiction to the future seem like common ways to avoid the question, "What about NOW?"  Death speaks louder with each friend or associate who leaves us, reminding us we're mortal and time isn't our ally.

The years fly by and we come to sense an end is coming.  All that we held familiar is slowly slipping from our consciousness. How amazing life has been; how magical the moments we've shared and experienced. Do we have to leave this someday? Is this the whisper we hear within?  The answer comes, "All that you have known and experienced of your special time here is going. Do you want to stay behind when all that you've experienced and known passes you by and dissolves into eternity, never to be experienced again?"

This is when I realized -- life is unique.  Our times are special and custom-made for us alone. Never again will there be a time like I experienced -- it was MY time and My life -- custom-made and designed for me alone to share with a special group of others that I feel a connection to.

Generations come and go and it feels like they all have a separation of thoughts, feelings and beliefs. The stage is the same, but the play and players are different. Life is a much like a revolving door or a circular revolving stage where several plays are presented at the same time. Each is a play, but they all cover different topics, each dependent upon the life that it touches.  More than ever, I feel that our lives are very personal and an intimacy exists with each generation for the time they live. The issues, topics and experiences are all very personal to each generation.

With advancing age, it's easy to become depressed and disillusioned as we see opportunities and experiences slipping away.  Life, as we see and experience it, is for the young, those with the power to earn and those with enough energy to accomplish set goals.  For the old, there's the past to remember and the mystery of death to make peace with.

I hope as the years go by and I see my body lose its appeal and my hair completely falls out, that I'll never lose the awe and wonder of my heart.  I hope I can still write poetry and stories, share insights from my soul, and that I'll continue to marvel at and enjoy the love of my mate. I've made a pact with the universe to meet it halfway and I'll share the thoughts, feelings and insights that come from them. To do that, I can't dwell in the past or live in hopes of some imaginary future. It is NOW, inside me, inside my heart, where I'm aware that love is forever.  Love never dies.

Namaste.